reclaim

A few years ago a relationship I’d been in for nearly 10 years broke down - nothing big or dramatic, just a slow drift apart that neither of us managed to fix. Maybe we weren’t able to, it had been a long time and we were so young when our relationship started.

I’ve thought lots about it since - it’s so interesting how relationships and people shift and change over time!

But in this case, the really interesting bit came afterwards - after this huge sense of loss and change, I had a huge amount of space (which, I’ll be honest, felt like a gaping hole for a while) to play with. I can’t tell you how lucky I was that my friends and family swept in and bundled me up in the biggest, most loving ball of support of all time.

One friend came to stay with me for the first few days for much needed company and support, and honestly? She proved herself without a shadow of doubt to be the most comforting and genuinely helpful thing to grace the world since sliced bread, the invention of the wheel, and The Vicar of Dibley combined. She also set us a very important shared quest - before all my big feelings meant I avoided things for too long to ever go back to them, we were going to reclaim parts of myself that were either at risk of being lost, or had already sneakily drifted away.

We visited places that mattered to me that were also tied up with relationship memories - cafes, parks, park benches, restaurants - places I wanted to keep in my life without them feeling tangled up in the sense of loss I was feeling. We made new memories and found new joy and made plans for all the extra time I’d have on my hands. And she sat me down and said:

Elodie, the thing with long relationships is over time you subconsiously let things go that don’t quite fit with the relationship or the person.. Probably not so much that you’re totally changing yourself, but there will be things that you’ve lost because your partner didn’t want you to do them, didn’t encourage you to do them, or even just because he didn’t like them as much as you do. This is an opportunity to look back at the you before this relationship, and reclaim some of the stuff you’ve let go that actually you want back.

…told you she was great.

We made a list of stuff I used to do that sure enough, I’d stopped doing. Singing, dancing, camping and getting out in nature, big walks, coffee shop visits, art galleries… Not because I didn’t love them, but because they’d drifted out of importance or favour, or become less easy to do. Now’s a good time for a strong caveat - there were obviously loads of other things that meant I’d let those things go, like work, university, being busier, grief, change of contexts, moving house/location… it’s absolutely wasn’t all down to my relationship or partner, but the break up was a huge change that prompted a lot of reflection and a lot of change in all areas of my life.

Bit by bit, I started to reclaim things I wanted to keep in my life, and make intentional plans about not letting them go again. I started to feel more like myself, and the things around me started realigning too - the more I did things I enjoyed, the more obvious it was when I was doing something that felt blehhhh in comparison.

I moved home, changed my job, got into a new and very lovely relationship, adopted Badger the greyhound (>>) and started making new plans for the future that felt a HUGE amount more ‘me’ than where I’d been headed before.

Do you have to wait for a huge, world-shaking loss to reclaim stuff? Absolutely not. In fact, I’d say having done bits of reclamation after a huge loss, it would probably have been easier if I wasn’t quite so emotional and exhausted while doing it!

So this week, I’m thinking about what we can RECLAIM. What are the activities, places, hobbies, feelings, abilities that you once had that have slipped away - out of favour, out of use or out of habit? Which of those would you like to take back now, thank you very much?

an asana for reclamation

This weekly blog is part of my yoga practice (Svadyaya = self-study, and having a theme to come back to is one of the ways I like to guide my own introspection otherwise I get LOST in my overthinky brain). So I like to link it to an Asana - a ‘seat/pose/posture’ - and ground my thinking and reflection in a physical movement.

This week, it’s Viparita Virabhadrasana - usually translated as Reverse Warrior Pose. To transition into the pose from a Virabhadrasana II, I often cue to flip the front palm, then reach it forward, up overhead and back, turning the gaze up towards the sky and allowing the back palm to rest on the back leg.

There’s a huge amount of symbolism here for me:

• Starting in Virabhadrasana II represents a sense of strength, a starting point of readiness. Reclaiming stuff can be hard! Especially if it’s tangled up with loss or hurt. How can we build strength and courage to take back the things we are missing?

• The beginning of the transition, flipping the palm and reaching forward, representing a sense of looking forwards and upwards to a longer-term hope. Not just acting out of impulse, but intentional reclamation with the bigger picture in mind. A bit like when my friend sat me down to make a list of the things I’d let go of - I didn’t go after them all, I thought about what I actually wanted back as the person I’d become (mostly more nature and adventures in the outdoors!)

• Then the reaching up overhead and back, symbolising that process of bringing something back to yourself. It’s not necessarily a comfortable or “easy” pose or transition - it requires effort and tweaks to the body positioning to find a moment of stillness. And I think the same is true of reclaiming things - it’s not easy! It won’t necessarily “work” first time around or immediately slot in with the rest of your life. But if something feels important to you, I think it’s worth taking the time to tweak things, taking it step by step and giving it time.

• Lastly the back palm resting on the back leg - a symbol of grounding in the history you have with whatever you’re reclaiming, looking back and knowing why it’s important to you, and what lessons you want to take forward as you bring it back into your life.

physical cues to play with if you’re trying out Viparita Virabhadrasana:

• How does it feel to press more actively into the front foot, whilst also bending more deeply into the front knee?

• How does your breathing change as you transition from Virabhadrasana II to Viparita Virabhadrasana?

• Is there a version of Viparita Virabhadrasana where stillness feels right for you? Or does it feel better to move in some way through the pose?

why reclaim (the ramble about the skies!)

For those of you interested in the astrology ramble - once again I’ve used the skies of the week as a ready made theme guide, so if you’re interested, here’s my (very much unknowledgable, mostly just overthinky) take on the shenanigans in space this week:

reclaiming space from old hurts

On Monday and Tuesday, both the Sun and Mars (both in Capricorn) are squaring Chiron (over in Aries). In astrology, the Sun symbolises personal purpose, a sense of illumination - how you shine most brightly, and Mars symbolises action, confrontation, drive. Chiron represents healing, teachings, and “wounds” - the things we learn from that hurt along the way. The signs are an extra layer, representative of a kind of energy/vibe: Capricorn symbolising the disciplined, practical and proactive; Aries representing the headstrong, driven and courageous. To me that says action - both fast and decisive but also sustainable with the long-term in mind. Taking responsibility for learning and stepping forward from old hurts, wounds, losses, and taking action now (but also planning for actions in the future) that might help. Reclaiming space, energy, hobbies etc taken away from you by old hurts.

reclaiming your voice

On Wednesday, Mercury - the planet representing communication and the mind - which is currently in Capricorn (see above! grounded, disciplined, practical, proactive) opposes Jupiter - representing growth and abundance, which is currently in Cancer, the sign symbolising nurturing, heartfelt and secure energy. So according to astrology, a sense of growth and possibility in your thinking and practical communication about your needs and things you care about. Reclaiming your voice in service of supporting yourself.

reclaiming bold self-expression

On Thursday, Venus - the planet representing connections, values, relationships, which is currently in Capricorn (not going to repeat myself here, huge amounts of the goat energy showing up), will:

• sextile Saturn - the planet representing boundaries, lessons, limits, currently in Pisces - so with a creative, ethereal and emotional energy

• trine Uranus - the planet symbolising innovation and disruption, currently in Taurus - bringing a cosy, stable, satisfied energy

And on Friday, Mercury in Capricorn (back in the realm of communication through the lens of practical discipline), will square Chiron in Aries (that healing & learning from the ouches of the past, with the Aries flavour of oomph alongside).

I’d say that sounds thinking creatively about shaking up boundaries, trying out new things you’re learning, in the pursuit of more satisfying, values-aligned and enjoyable connections. Reclaiming the safety to experiment, to want better, to keep trying new things. And then some added fire in your belly around expressing yourself authentically - saying it how it is in the hope that it can get better. Reclaiming a sense of self and ability to express of who that is right now without overthinking it.

reclaiming distance from the norm

Coming into the weekend and there’s still plenty going on. The Sun - that symbol of personal purpose and illumination, grounded in Capricorn’s step-by-step-climb-the-mountain energy, will:

• sextile Saturn - representing limits and lessons through the lens of the creative, ethereal Pisces

• trine Uranus - the planet of disruption sitting in cosy, satisfied Taurus energy

Then Venus - back with our connections and relationships in Capricorn’s goat energy, will:

• sextile Uranus - as above, disruption and innovation through Taurus grounded vibes

• enter Aquarius - bringing a new lens of brilliance, invention and strategy to our relationships, connections and values

So, building clarity, and refining the emotional edges of your self, your purpose, your sense of what you want and how you want to do it, and feeling more comfortable and ok with this being different from what’s expected or challenging the norm. And an added sense of inventiveness in how we can be ourselves while also being in relation to others.

reclaiming intention, ownership and challenge

Finally (jeez what a week of things to think about in the sky) we get to Sunday and there’s a New Moon in Capricorn. The moon representing emotions, the body, the somatic self and our everyday lived experiences and habits - the things we FEEL - and a New Moon is seen as a good time to set intentions, through the energy lens of the sign it’s sitting in. So, according to astrology, the New Moon in Capricorn could be a time for intentions, plans and goals around:

• The long-term horizon

• Practical, pragmatic steps

• Taking responsibility and ownership over something that matters to you

And last but not least, also on Sunday: Mercury, the planet of communication will conjunct Mars, the planet of action, drive and conflict, in good ole Capricorn (we’ve talked about it so much now that I’m not going to repeat the symbolism here!). To me, this sounds a whole lot like confronting things head on, communicating directly, taking challenging conversations one step at a time and rooting them in a vision of the long-term goal. If you’re having a tough conversation, WHY are you having it?

What have you lost that you’re hoping to reclaim?